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Finding Community, Family, and Belonging
Is community important? I know we all could make a long long list of reasons why we think community is important. I heard on the news a couple of days ago:
In 2023, our nation’s Surgeon General declared an epidemic of loneliness. In a very recent study, it was found that loneliness can bring about health risks like heart disease, stroke, dementia, and anxiety & depression. Yet, the good news is this scientific report found that social connection helps with these problems by 50% or more.
So, a sense of community is essential.
We need each other!
Venerable Master Hsing Yun, our founder, wisely counsels us:
“Friends are very important to our growth and development
and for this reason we should exercise good care in choosing them.”
Where Do We Find that Sense of Belonging?
One place I have observed people finding Community is through our monthly Community of Practice events which we like to call CoP. Our subchapter family joins efforts with the temple, and we host “Community of Practice” events once-a-month, on a Saturday. For two hours we mingle, make positive connections with each other, learn, reflect, meditate, and share.
We are building a safe place to be, to bond, to share, and also identify ways each one of us can grow—make shifts, let go, pick up, just “be”—and live peacefully & harmoniously.
At one of our past CoP’s, we were setting up tables, decorations, signs, and preparing food. I was standing behind the check-in table, organizing all the name tags for our soon-to-arrive guests who had already RSVP’d.
I looked across the table and standing directly in front of me was 9-year-old Ethan; his big brown, dancing, inquisitive eyes looking up at me.
We smiled at each other; he watched my every move. “What are you doing?” he asked.
I explained, “Everyone gets their very own name tag when they arrive, so we know each other’s names.”
“Where’s mine? Do I get one?” He continued, “I don’t need it now, because I have to go in a minute, but I will come back, and when I return, I will come here to get it, ok?”
“Yes, that’s perfect!” I answered. “Your name tag will be waiting here for you.”
“Ok, I’ll be back!” he reassured me.
“And, I promise, your name tag it will be waiting right here for you.”
He stared at me for a brief moment, as if, he was deciding rather to believe me.
I said, "I promise!”
Then he turned to rush away. Looking back at me, he shared his parting words: “I’ll be back!”
Every time I reflect upon this, it warms my heart.
Ethan was not only a great teacher for me in that moment, but
in each moment afterward, when I reflect; I have an everlasting,
crystal-clear reminder of the significance of belonging!
By the way—when he returned, his name tag was waiting for him!
Once we Find Community, Then What?
A long long time ago, on a sunny day, much like today,
the Buddha and Sariputra were standing in the courtyard visiting;
a dove flew in and landed in Sariputra’s shadow.
Maybe the dove was looking for a shady place to get out of the hot sun and rest a bit.
However, the dove could not settle-in, it appeared nervous,
jittery & very anxious.
After a short while, it flew up into the air and
came back down into the shadow of the Buddha.
Immediately, the dove became
peaceful, calm & content.
Upon seeing this, Sariputra was curious, so he asked the Buddha,
“Why is the dove so nervous & tense when it is near me, but when it is close to you, it is so relaxed and at ease? I have no intentions whatsoever of harming it.”
The Buddha explained to Sariputra that even though Sariputra had no intentions or thought of harming the dove, Sariputra still had remnants of anger that he carried within that the dove could feel.
Sariputra was so sad to hear this; however, he understood and said he would cultivate compassion from that moment on so that he could help others.
He wanted others to feel comfortable, at peace & ease around him.
He wanted to be part of the community!
He wanted to help his community!
The first time I heard this story—many years ago—I decided to conduct my own experiment.
I began observing how animals (birds, squirrels, dogs, cats)
would react & interact with me.
It’s like having an inner gauge, with me at all times, that helps me measure if I am carrying less anger and more compassion.
One day, I stepped out into the sunshine, behind our home,
onto our little deck.
Many of you have been in our backyard,
and you will remember our fountain attracts a variety of critters,
including lots of birds.
They swoop in for a daily drink, a bath, or both!
—Due largely to the water scarcity in our neighborhood.
As I stepped out onto the deck,
a hummingbird zipped in,
about a foot away from my head,
it hovered,
I froze.
I moved my eyes but not my head nor my body.
I wanted to observe it’s comfort level with me.
Will it stay close & be at peace?
or will it fly off immediately?
It moved in even closer,
mire inches from my head.
As hummingbirds do,
it hovered, like a mini helicopter, in midair,
then it backed up,
came closer,
backed up,
came closer.
It did this a number of times
coming ever so close.
I could hear the gentle hum of its wings and even a few of my hairs slightly moved from the gentle breeze it created as it moved
back and forth,
up and down,
back and forth,
up and down,
as if it was doing a very thorough inspection of me.
Finally, it zipped off.
I thought, WOW, I MUST be improving!
Then I looked down;
I was wearing a red shirt!
And, the thought came to me
I bet that hummingbird thought I was a GREAT BIG, odd-looking, red flower!
Whether the hummingbird thought I was a flower or not, I will never know... but through my experience & observation, I was reminded, once again, of the extreme importance to continue cultivating compassion.
As humans, I truly believe, we all need healthy friendships, community, and great teachers.
Like the dove,
the hummingbird,
& precious Ethan.
The dove who flew into Sariputra’s life,
taught him about the importance of cultivating compassion.
so others would feel more comfortable being around him.
Ethan did the same thing for me—
He instantly appeared in my life
and taught me not to forget
the importance of
belonging-
Family.
Who will be my next teacher?
Who will your next teacher be?
On behalf of my Hsi Lai Subchapter Family,
I would like to extend a warm invitation to you,
and your loved ones, to join us
For our next Community of Practice.
You are all welcome to come and to experience
firsthand the environment we are creating
for others and for ourselves to find
community, clarity and peace within, together.
Hope to see you there!
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